


Moment of Solace

by Shadow15



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Depression, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-05-20 00:37:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14884274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow15/pseuds/Shadow15
Summary: After the destruction of Asgard, Thanos and his followers invade the Asgardian ship with intentions of punishing Loki for his failure in New York.  The "punishment" isn't so much punishment as it is torture, and when Thanos leaves the only three survivors to live with the memories of what had been done to them, Thor takes it hardest.Thor completely shuts down, but when he finally comes back around, he isn't the same Thor the Avengers know and love.  No matter; they still love him anyway, but there may have to be a line drawn somewhere when Thor finds himself seeking them out for sex to try and forget the memories.  They've tried, but maybe they just need to try harder and find how to help not only Thor, but Loki and Bruce with their trauma, too.





	1. Chapter 1

Thor had been certain that Loki unleashing Ragnarok upon Asgard would keep his people protected and be the start of a clean slate.  They’d settle on Midgard and the people would rebuild. The damage Hela had done mentally could perhaps even be mended given time. 

But that had been Thor’s mindset just moments before he and Loki had watched in stunned silence as their ship was dwarfed by one Loki eventually flinched at and murmured, “Thanos…”.  Now, after what could have been days or weeks or even  _ years,  _ all Thor could think about was the blood and the screaming and the  _ pain _ .  

Thor didn’t want to blame Loki.  He really didn’t. All those years ago, Loki had been lost and vulnerable and  _ hurting _ .  He’d been found after a suicide attempt and manipulated into being a disposable pawn, set loose to cause as much catastrophe as he could. 

He’d failed, of course.  He’d been stopped by Thor and his friends, forced back to Asgard - he and the Tesseract responsible for so much of the devastation at Loki’s hands. Thor had vowed to never let his brother be puppeteered again and the Tesseract stored safely away where it belonged.  It had been working out...

But, no matter how hard Thor  _ tried,  _ sometimes it was hard  _ not  _ to blame Loki when he’d told Thanos - truthfully, he had sincerely believed - the Tesseract had been destroyed on Asgard by Surtur and yet, his cunning little brother had pulled it from thin air and offered it in exchange for Thor’s life.  

“You truly are the worst, brother…”  They were words Thor had spoken that would haunt him for the rest of his life, but if Loki had just left the Tesseract where it belonged, perhaps neither of them would be watching, day after day, as their people were purposely brought before them to be slaughtered as slowly and painfully as possible.

There wasn’t much hope left, if any at all; not when Mjolnir had been destroyed on Midgard,  Thanos was strong enough to make even the Hulk fear coming back out after a round with the Titan, and whatever crew they had boarded with were long dead; the Valkyrie, Korg, and even Heimdall.  

No.  There  _ was  _ no hope left, and Thor had resigned himself to spending the last of his time, stuck in place by the restraints with his one good eye squeezed shut tight and trying desperately to block out everything that was happening around him.  

The only problem was, with the way Thor’s mind was constantly on overdrive lately, it was hard to block anything out, especially when it involved the only two people he had left on this ship. 

“Thor…?” It was the tiny, quavering voice he knew so well that had Thor finally cracking his eyelid open as he battled against the screams that wouldn’t stop echoing through his mind.  

Bruce Banner looked as bad as he and Loki did, covered in blood that wasn’t entirely their own, their bodies bruised and gashed and swollen as they ached with broken bones and internal damage.  He closed his eye again; he couldn’t bear to see his friend in this state. 

“What is it, Banner…?” Thor’s voice was as shaky as his body was.  His tone trembled under his duress, and he knew that if his father had heard it, he would be ashamed.  

Bruce’s left eye was swollen shut, the other almost completely red from burst blood vessels.  His voice was slightly nasally, and if the dried blood that had been running from his nose meant anything as well, it was probably broken.  He panted softly, trying to pretend he wasn’t in so much pain. “They still haven’t brought Loki back…” 

It was true.  Loki being taken from his chains and away from the two of them was a constant occurrence.  He never spoke about what it was that happened to him, but with the way his screams echoed into the prisoners’ chambers, they could only imagine the horrors.  

Thor couldn’t help but snap.  “I can see that, Banner, thanks!” 

Bruce bit his lip.  His instinct was to snap back, allow his anger to surface and sit back as the other guy took care of it for him.  

...But this was  _ Thor _ , and he couldn’t  _ fathom  _ what Thor was going through right now.  

Bruce didn’t know why he was still talking.  “I haven’t heard him screaming for hours now…” 

There was a sudden lump in Thor’s throat that was impossible to talk over.  He dropped his head again as he tried to fight back his tears, but his shoulders heaved with his heavy emotion and his cry was strangled as the tears streamed down his face anyway. 

There was no time to dwell on whatever had happened to Loki because the heavy footsteps Thor and Bruce had long-since learnt belonged to Thanos approached until the Titan himself was standing before them.  

“Why are you doing this…?” Thor wasn’t the only one crying now, Bruce realised as he felt his own cheeks dampen.  “Why…?” 

Thanos’ laugh was chilling.  “If he hadn’t messed up so badly with the task I had entrusted to him, we wouldn’t still be here.  I’d have been on my way with the Tesseract so promised to me. But he disappointed me greatly. After all the  _ care  _ I had shown him… He failed me.”

“You did not show him care…” Thor growled.  “I was told… the mess he arrived in… You showed him abuse and manipulation...”

“Yes.” Thanos shrugged.  “Perhaps I should have shown him more of it; he didn’t seem to quite fear me enough as he allowed himself to be thrown around like a ragdoll by your friend over there.” 

“You’ll pay…” Thor snarled.  His body thrashed in his bindings to get free, but the metal platings were too strong for him.  “What did you do to my brother…?” 

“He is alive,” Thanos reassured gently.  “He will be wishing he wasn’t when he wakes up.  ...Then again, the same may already be said about the two of you.” 

Thanos was gone.  They stayed in their positions, chests heaving with anger and tears, but it didn’t last for long; their restraints loosened and broke instantaneously, freeing them after who knows how long they’d been there for.

It was Thor who fell apart, though.  As soon as his body had hit the ground, he curled into a ball and held himself tightly as he cried so hard, there was no underestimating the mental and emotional impact this had had on Thor.

“I’ll make a d-distress c-call…” Bruce almost had to drag himself through the room at the way his legs just wouldn’t work, but no amount of worry he had for himself could compare to the concern he felt for Thor.  

These were Thor’s people, their king, and now no one was left bar Thor himself.  He’d saved them from one cruel death and shepherded them unknowingly into another - but Bruce had to wonder; would it have been merciful to leave them to Surtur or even Hela’s wrath after what had happened on this ship?

Bruce didn’t know, and he wasn’t sure he  _ wanted  _ to know.  


	2. Chapter 2

After spending so long being forced to kneel on a cold, hard floor stained with long-since dried blood, it didn’t feel like it had taken a long while for help to respond to the distress call.  Bruce supposed it was because he and Thor had already become so used to feeling as if they’d been there an eternity, their rescuers probably could have taken a day or two to get there and they wouldn’t have even guessed it.  

“These guys are a mess…” 

It probably should have sounded sympathetic, but in Thor’s whirling mind, he could only cringe and curl in tighter against himself.  He flinched when he felt someone’s hand touch his shoulder, and purely out of instinct he knew had never been there when they’d left Asgard to burn, his hand shot out and grabbed someone’s wrist so tight, he could feel it crushing within his grip.  If he desired to squeeze just a tiny bit harder, it would crumble like powder…

His fingers twitched with the need to so do.  

“Thor, it’s okay…  It’s okay… They’re here to help…”

Thor came back to his senses at Bruce’s wavering voice.  He blinked a few times as the reality slammed into him like a truck.  His frown deepened as he looked up to see whose wrist he had been in the process of crushing; a dusty-haired male with soft features who didn’t even look bothered that his wrist was caught in a death grip.  His eyes conveyed everything Thor sought to see; this man pitied him so much, he couldn’t even bring himself to care that his wrist was going to ache for a while.

Thor dropped his head again.  His shoulders heaved as he released his grip on the man’s wrist.  He sniffed back tears and tried to force his voice into its usual steady, confident tone.  “My brother… Did you find my brother…?” 

The man shook his head.  He looked over his shoulder at the others Thor hadn’t even noticed were present.  “Drax, get them into the ship. Let’s look for his brother before we leave.” 

Thor felt sickened at his own whimper that escaped his lips.  Forget his father being shamed by his behaviour; Thor himself was disgusted of his own actions.  He couldn’t protest the arms that reached beneath him and picked him up like he was nothing; whatever energy he had left seemed useful for little more than crying.  

Everything after that was one big blur.  Thor didn’t remember being carried out of the Asgardian ship and onto a smaller one.  He didn’t remember being sat on a bunk with a blanket draped over his shoulders. The words Bruce and the others had tried speaking to him were all just disjointed noises with little meaning that did nothing to break through his trance.  

What  _ did  _ snap him out of it was the voice of his brother, so frail and scared and  _ vulnerable.   _ Whatever words Thor had on his tongue to speak never sounded; his mouth only opened and closed wordlessly as he forced broken bones to snatch his brother from the arms of their rescuers and engulf him in a hug Loki swore was going to break his back any second now. 

“Brother…” Loki didn’t pull away from the embrace.  He was pliant as he was yanked onto Thor’s lap and a hand far stronger than his own would ever be curled into his blood-stained, grimy hair and held his face to Thor’s shoulder.  “Brother… Are you okay…?” 

Thor didn’t speak; he didn’t even  _ move _ .  Bruce felt the despair pooling in the pit of his stomach once again as he leaned across to tap Loki’s arm and murmur, “He stopped speaking after we were carried out of here…” 

Loki was scared.  Not for himself, but for his brother.  Thor never acted like this. Thor was the strong, protective one of the two who could face down anything that challenged him without fear.  But here… 

Here, Thor reminded Loki of the Asgardian children, orphaned from battles waged; so weak and helpless and in need of protection…

Loki jerked his arm away from Bruce’s touch.  He shifted so he could bury his face into his brother’s chest again and listen to the heartbeat that wasn’t supposed to be this fast.  

Bruce took it upon himself to be the leader here.  He swallowed back his pain, his anxiety, and he extended his hand towards the dusty-haired male he had gathered was the captain.  “Bruce Banner…”

“Peter Quill.” The handshake was accepted, and Quill gestured behind him at his crew as he introduced the others.  “What happened out there? Some of those bodies were months old with the amount of decaying on them.”

Bruce’s eyes widened.  “Months…? I… We were attacked…  My friend’s people were… They were like sheep to the slaughter…  We couldn’t do  _ anything _ …  Just watch…” 

Quill looked at his own friends before he fixed his gaze on the antenna-donning woman.  “Mantis, get some soup for them all.” 

She left, the big guy Bruce remembered was named Drax following her to help.  Bruce wiped at his eyes as they threatened to flood with tears again. He looked to his own friends, seeing how helpless they both seemed now that they were somewhere safe. What little skin could be seen beneath the dirt and dried blood was sallow, and their armour had loosened significantly from the starvation. While Bruce couldn’t see Loki’s face, his trembling body said enough.  It was Thor’s blank expression that was worrying as he rocked slightly, whether it be for self-soothing or to comfort his brother. 

“Thor…?” Bruce wanted to reach out, to touch his friend and reassure him that he was safe, but after everything they had been through, Bruce knew touch was the last thing Thor wanted right now.  “Thor, can you hear me, buddy…?” 

No response; just an increase in the rocking that now told Bruce  _ was  _ self-soothing.  

“They’ve gone through a hell…” It was the green-skinned woman Quill had introduced as Gamora.  “Are they going to be okay?” 

Bruce shook his head.  “I don’t think they will be…  Not after all that...”

Drax and Mantis had returned now, three small bowls of soup in hand.  Bruce accepted his with a soft thank you, and while the stress was evident on Loki’s face that he now had to pull away from his brother somewhat, he still murmured his appreciation and ate at his soup in a manner that wasn’t dissimilar to a starved animal.

Thor, however, seemed to take no notice whatsoever that someone was trying to give him food, or if he  _ did  _ notice, he gave no reaction.  

“Brother…” Loki reluctantly placed his bowl down on the bed with shaking hands.  He took Thor’s meal from Mantis and held it to Thor with an almost pleading expression on his face as he all but begged,  _ “Please  _ eat something brother…” 

There still was no response, and Loki did something he had never thought he would have to do in their long lifetime; he picked up the spoon and gathered the soup into the cradle before he pressed it to Thor’s lips.

It worked, but not well enough; Thor couldn’t seem to stomach more than a few spoonfuls before he turned his head away and wouldn’t accept more.  Loki hated it, but he said nothing as he gingerly passed the bowl back to Mantis and returned to his own meal.

From the front of the room where most of the crew were still standing, Quill cleared his throat uncomfortably to gather their attention before he muttered, “Rocket and Groot sleep in here, too, but they’ll probably sleep elsewhere tonight.  If you need anything, we’re next door. Just… knock…” 

Quill wasn’t used to picking up strangers like this, Loki realised.  It was probably as awkward for them as it was for he and Bruce. But even so, Quill brought up a good point.  

Loki rested his palm against Thor’s cheek and whispered, “Lay down, brother…  Let’s get some sleep…” 

Thor was submissive, though he needed Loki to push against his shoulders before he’d moved.  But still, he allowed himself to be tucked in tight beneath the blankets and his brother’s hand to thread through his hair.

“Goodnight, brother…” Was Loki’s tender whisper as he got to his feet to find his own bed for the night, but he couldn’t get far because Thor had sat upright again in a flash and gripped Loki’s wrist so tightly, it would have been crushed had he not been of Jotun blood.  “Thor…?”

From where Bruce, also, had curled up on the bed opposite them, he felt his heart clench at the way Thor had pulled Loki back onto the bed and wrapped his arms tight around the younger.  Despite their current safety, his voice still shook. “He can’t bear to be away from you, Loki…”

Loki understood the unspoken message; Thor wasn’t going to let him go and Loki may as well climb under the blankets and get used to sleeping with his brother again for the night.

Though, as Loki tucked them in again while Thor cuddled him impossibly close, he realised as Bruce turned the lights off that this might not be a one time thing; quite possibly his brother had been so damaged, Thor may never be able to let him out of his sight again.

None of the three got any sleep that night, despite the unbroken silence until Mantis had walked in and told them breakfast was ready.  None of them wanted to talk about it, and they wouldn’t; not for a very long time. 


	3. Chapter 3

It had taken nothing short of a miracle to get Thor out of bed and to the cafeteria but, as Bruce stood by the dining table, clad in Quill’s clothing that was just too big on him, he frowned; the three of them were still covered in blood and filth - and not to mention their wounds… 

“I’m sorry; do you have a bathroom at all…?” Bruce was quiet.  His voice had stopped shaking, but Loki wasn’t sure it would stay that way for long since he already had an anxiety disorder to begin with.  “We could really… do with a good clean…” 

The hasty nods Bruce was given in response told him that the others had probably been thinking it all night but were just too polite to say anything about it.  “Rocket, can you show them where to go?” 

While Rocket Racoon kicked up a fuss over it, Bruce reached out to grab Loki’s shoulder.  He didn’t notice the distant look on the god’s face, as if he was with them physically but wasn’t there mentally.  “Loki, can you -” 

Loki had never thrown himself away from someone so fast before.  His heart raced and his eyes were so wide, he looked almost frightening in his terror.  

Bruce frowned.  “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to scare you, Loki…  I just wanted to see if you could help Thor to the bathroom…”

“...” Loki stared unblinkingly at Bruce, and it made Bruce uncomfortable.

“Loki…  Come on, Loki, you’re acting like you’re afraid of me…” 

Finally, the terrified expression vanished and Loki snapped, “I  _ am  _ scared of you, you big brute!  You beat me nearly to death!” 

“That was the other guy!” Bruce pleaded.  He gestured to himself desperately. “Loki,  _ look  _ at me!  No Hulk; only Banner!  Hulk has strength; Banner has PhDs!  Besides, _ you _ started that fight!” 

“You smashed me into the ground so many times, my back is never going to heal properly!” 

Bruce’s voice deepened as tinges of green lined the veins in his neck.  “Well, maybe you shouldn’t try and enslave earth, you… You  _ monster _ !”

“Rich coming from someone like  _ you _ , Banner…  You have a monster living inside you, and you call  _ me  _ the -”

Their fight was cut short by Thor reaching out and grabbing Loki.  He tugged his brother onto his lap and held him tight, his facial expression bordering on panic as his body started shaking again.  Bruce should have known better than to allow an argument to break out around him; after everything they had been through, Thor would be on edge and  _ vulnerable _ .  

Bruce sighed.  “Loki… You’re right to be afraid of Hulk, but  _ don’t  _ be scared of Banner…  Please… Just help me get Thor into a bath…” ‘

It was easier said than done; they’d all but dragged Thor through the ship until finally, they’d gotten him into the bathroom and seated him on the ground.  Bruce and Loki looked at each other, both uncertain about what they were supposed to do now. 

“I, uh…” Loki cleared his throat.  “...I suppose I’ll leave you to - oh, my…” 

Bruce winced at the loud whimper Thor made.  “Loki… I told you last night; he  _ can’t  _ let you out of his sight.  It’s not because he  _ wants  _ to, but he  _ needs  _ to.  He’s probably terrified that the next time you leave his sight, you’re gone for good.” 

“And how would  _ you  _ know?” Loki sneered.  “He tell you that, did he?  Because he’s my brother… And he hasn’t spoken a damn word to me since we got off that fucking ship!” 

Bruce hated to hear how cracked and high pitched Loki’s voice became the more words he spat out until he’d finally ended his sentence with a loud sob.  The god wiped hastily at his eyes, turning his head to the side to try and hide the fact that he was now crying.

“We’re all stressed…” Bruce closed his eyes.  “...I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have yelled at you before; that was mean…  We’re all tired and stressed and tensions are high…”

“Thanks for your insight; I would never have guessed on my own…” Loki sobbed again.  

“No, what I’m saying is…  Your brother  _ needs  _ you.  I’m a doctor; he’s in terrible shock.  I’m honestly scared of what you leaving him alone is going to do to him, Loki…” 

“Then I won’t leave him alone - but you cannot expect me to sit here and have to see what they did to my brother!” 

“You don’t have to watch.  Turn around. Just stay where he can still see you.”

Loki did as he was told, and he’d tried so hard to keep his back to his brother and live in peaceful ignorance, but once he heard Bruce start to cry, he turned his head.  What he saw made him wish Thanos  _ had  _ killed him.  

Thor’s body was a mess.  Missing chunks of flesh like someone had carved it off him, deep gashes that were badly infected, angry purple bruising all over his chest that showed his ribs were most likely broken and his shoulder dislocated, but the worst thing of all was the blood that stained Thor’s thighs and behind.

“Brother…” Loki locked eyes with Bruce.  He felt his own eyes welling with tears as he whispered, “They…  They  _ raped  _ my brother…  In front of  _ you _ …” 

Bruce’s tears came harder as he nodded.  Then, the dam finally broke and all he could do was pull his knees to his chest and hug them tight as he cried so hard, he felt lightheaded.  

All the while, Thor could only sit there, completely oblivious to the two on either side of him, crying over him.  

* * *

Loki hadn’t let Bruce treat his wounds.  He’d made the human leave as soon as Thor was finished with his shower and dried down with a fluffy towel so he could take his own shower next.  Thor had stayed close, leaning against the wall as his eyes stayed fixed on the figure of his brother just barely visible through the frosted glass.  

They’d finally gone to breakfast once Loki had dried and dressed, but still, they couldn’t get Thor to eat.  They’d given up on feeding him when not even Loki pressing spoonfuls of porridge to his lips had made progress; Thor was nothing more than an empty shell, and they had no idea what to think about it.

“We need to get him to sleep,” Bruce had instructed.  “Lack of sleep could be contributing to this.”

Loki had agreed, and together they had hauled Thor back to the bedroom where they sat by his side, patting his head and whispering to him as Bruce told stories of his time on Midgard and Loki responded in kind with stories of he and Thor growing up on Asgard.  

It had worked, to their surprise; Thor had fallen asleep, tucked in tight beneath his blankets with Loki’s hand squeezed tightly in his own.  

They’d left him to rest and gone to find the others.  

“So, what do you guys want to do?” Quill had asked once Loki and Bruce had sat up the front with the rest of the crew.  

Loki looked to his lap, and Bruce knew it was up to him.  “Their people are no more… Their home is gone… They have nothing but each other…”

The entire crew understood that sentiment, and not a word needed to be said from any of them.  ‘

“I think that by this point, the only option we have is to go back to Earth and find our friends; they’re the only ones who can help us now.” Bruce dropped his face into his hands; if Quill could even get them back to Earth, what were they going to do?  Stroll up to the other Avengers after all these years and say hi, I was trapped in a giant green rage monster on another planet for two years. Oh, by the way! Remember Loki? Yes, that Loki; the Loki who tried to kill us all. We can keep him, right?

Yeah…  No. 

But whenever Bruce thought about Thor, he knew he would do whatever he had to do for his friend’s safety and comfort.  

“My friend…  He has a place in Manhatten - a big tower.”  Bruce rubbed at his face. “We, uh… It’s kind of like our base - o-our… our…”

“A home for their group,” Loki explained softly.  His eyes closed, and a look of deep regret crossed his face now.  “I have been there once before… It is… lovely…” 

Bruce nodded.  He offered a shy smile.  “So, please… I-i-if you’re heading that way, o-or…  We’d like t-to go back… to our home…” 

Quill simply nodded.  “Rocket, change the coordinates for Earth.” 

Bruce couldn’t help but drop his head onto Loki’s shoulder in exhaustion.  He felt the god tense beneath him, but then, completely unexpectedly, a thin hand reached out and rested itself in his hair, holding him close.  

Bruce wasn’t the only one overwhelmed, but sometimes he forgot that even Gods could hurt, too.  


	4. Chapter 4

As Bruce watched them fly over New York and in the directions Loki was giving, he couldn’t help but allow his head to spin with anxiety.  After so long, what was he supposed to do? He remembered being in Sokovia with the rest of the Avengers, but then… 

Well, he changes back into Banner, standing on the Quinjet with a bag of Tony Stark’s clothing behind him, Thor with a haircut telling him he’d been missing for two years and the Avengers thought he was dead.  

What would the Avengers say when Quill landed his ship on the balcony and they strolled inside in all their tortured and traumatised glory?  Bruce was scared to think about it. 

“You can see the tower in the distance,” Bruce heard Loki say.  “That’s it there.” 

Bruce looked away again.  He didn’t want to watch the way Loki and Thor were curled up together, Loki’s arm around his brother’s waist and holding him tight as Thor all but clung to him like a damaged child.  

Bruce’s hands fumbled with each other.  The thought of being back at that tower after so long made him feel sick - but at Loki’s surprised voice, he felt the bile climb his throat as his eyes snapped open and looked to see what was in front of them.

“What happened…?” Loki’s eyes wandered over the tower that looked halfway to being demolished.  

“Oh, no…”  Bruce stood up and pressed himself against the window of the ship, unable to believe what he was seeing; the tower had been abandoned, perhaps quite a while ago.  Stark’s logo was gone, as was the Avengers symbol, but the worst part of it all was that, seeing from Quill’s ship that had just landed on the strip, the building was completely vacant and torn up from the inside.  “No, no, no…! No!” 

The ship was turned off and the door opened, and Bruce was out in seconds.  He ran to the glass doors of the building, and his heart sped up to find they were unlocked.  With legs that still weren’t strong enough to hold his weight, he stumbled inside and cried out, “Tony…?  Steve...! Tony!”

Quill and his crew had followed Bruce into the building.  They hadn’t needed to step inside and see the dust coating everything to know that no one had lived here for a long time.  

“They’re gone,” Gamora tried in a soft voice.  

Bruce collapsed to his knees as he scratched his nails against his face so hard, specs of blood and skin got caught in his nails.  He shook his head. For the first time in so many years, his grief and sadness outweighed the constant anger. “No, they wouldn’t leave…!  Guys, they wouldn’t  _ leave… _ !” 

No one spoke after that; what were they honestly to say?  Bruce was in the middle of a breakdown, and they were all so damaged in their own rights, they weren’t sure how to handle it. 

Finally, Drax stepped forward and lowered his voice.  “Do you have another home, Banner? We could take you somewhere else.” 

Bruce shook his head.  Through his fingertips, he stared at Drax with wide, betrayed eyes.  “I-I h-h-had nothing…  _ Nothing _ w-without t-them…  And now they’re…”

Quill winced at the gulp Bruce made he swore was almost deafening in such a situation.  “...”

“...T-they’re  _ gone _ …” 

“He feels tremendous hurt and betrayal…” 

Everyone turned to look at Mantis.  Her eyes were wider than usual, her mouth downturned in a deep frown.  

Mantis continued on, and her tone was almost choked at the emotion she was feeling off Bruce.  “He feels alone, like he has no one left. Betrayed, that no one came to find him. Hurt… That the only people he ever felt appreciated by could forget him so easily…” 

Quill sighed.  He stepped forward to put his hand on Bruce’s shoulder.  “Hey, it’s alright; you guys can stick with us if you need.”

Bruce shook his head.  His tears came harder. He forced himself to his feet, but he never responded to the offer; instead, he murmured, “I-I n-need to check o-o-on Thor and L-loki…” 

They allowed Bruce to lead the way on his legs that threatened to give way more and more with each step until they were finally back in their ship, each individual pondering their options.

At least, they had been…  Until they heard the unfamiliar voice from the cockpit.

Out of instinct, Quill and his crew reached for their weapons, ready for anything, but they didn’t find the attacker threatening Loki and Thor as they had expected; what they did find was what Quill could only describe as a fiery circle, hovering in the air with what almost looked like the inside of a house within it.  There was another man present, and though his back was to them, they could make out his red cloak and monk-like robes. 

“...Was to promptly return to Asgard and not return,” they could make out the man saying to Loki.  “My orders have been disobeyed, so -”

“- Hey!” Quill took a step forward.  He held his gun out in front of him, not knowing what was going on, but knowing there should have been no way for this stranger to get on board - especially since they were so high up on this tower, he couldn’t have just  _ climbed  _ his way aboard.  “Who the hell are you?” 

The man turned around and fixed Quill with an almost stoic expression.  “I should be asking the same of you, bringing Loki back here when I had given Thor strict orders to keep him  _ away  _ from this realm.” 

Bruce’s eyes flickered between the newcomer and Loki.  He had no idea of the story, or any of what was going on right now, but he did know that Loki needed someone to stand up for him as Thor was currently incapacitated.  

“It was my idea!” Bruce cried.  “I’m sorry! But… Their planet is  _ gone _ .  We watched it burn.  Their  _ people  _ are gone.  They have  _ nothing  _ and  _ nowhere _ \-  _ none  _ of us do now!  Please; I asked for Loki to be brought back here with us; I thought…  I t-t-thought the Avengers could h-help… But… But they’re g-gone…” 

“Avengers?” He raised his eyebrow.  He shook his head. “Well, you’re not going to find them here.” 

“I’m not  _ blind _ !” Bruce roared as a fresh wave of tears rolled down his cheeks.  For the first time in so long, there was no hint of the monster lurking within him at his outburst; he was just…  _ Banner _ .  

The stranger sighed.  He took a deep breath before he introduced himself.  “I’m sorry. Doctor Stephen Strange. Avengers Tower was sold.  Tony Stark sold the tower and moved the facility upstate.”

“Why would he…?” Bruce shook his head; that wasn’t important.  “Where is the facility? We need to find them. My friends… M-my friends… are b-b-badly hurt…”

With a few arm movements from the Doctor, there was a crash and the ship jolted sideways.  Everyone inside - save Stephen Strange - fell, but with one look out of the windshield, they understood why; the tower they had been standing on was gone, and instead their ship was surrounded by grass.  

“What the hell, dude!” Quill dropped his gun as he stared incredulously at Stephen Strange.  “You couldn’t have just given us directions or something?! You could have broken my ship!” 

Stephen rolled his eyes.  “You’re at the facility. I saved you the time.  Douchebag.” 

Bruce ignored the way Quill raged about; all that mattered was slipping his arm around Thor and gesturing for Loki to do the same.  “Be careful of his wounds; we need to get him inside and into a medical wing as soon as possible.” 

Loki didn’t need to be told twice; everything else could wait until Thor had been treated and was resting.  

* * *

 

It went better than Bruce could have hoped for.  With he and Loki slowed down by Thor’s massive amount of weight, Stephen and the others had gone ahead.  They’d been all but dragging Thor through the hallway, towards Tony Stark’s office, but even so, they could still hear the man’s voice, not quite yelling but close to it.  Bruce knew him well enough to know he wasn’t believing the story he was being fed. 

That all changed when the three of them had finally stumbled through the door and effectively stunned Tony into silence.  

Bruce had never felt so self-conscious as he stood there, trying his best to support Thor’s weight and at the same time avoid any of the grievous injuries his friend had suffered.  He looked to his feet, and his voice was barely above a whisper. “Hi, Tony…” 

“Bruce…” Tony’s eyes widened as he finally realised the situation.  He stood up from his desk and rushed to their sides. He shoved at Loki roughly to get him away, earning a whimper of pain from the god, but he couldn’t care about that right now; his hands were on Thor, and while his eyes darted between him and Bruce, he felt at a loss.  “What… I…”

“He needs  _ help,  _ Tony…” Bruce’s exhaustion couldn’t be contained any longer.  His eyes closed as he slumped against the man he was trying to keep upright.  “Please… H-help us…” 

Tony rushed back to his desk and grabbed his phone from its base.  He almost screamed into the receiver as he urged, “Send medical up here  _ now _ with a stretcher.” 

And then Tony’s eyes fixed on Loki, and for the first time since their arrival, he glared hatefully.  “Bruce, why did you bring  _ him _ ?” 

Loki bit his lip.  He looked away. He understood the hate - and truthfully, he deserved it.  But for once, his snarky tongue had nothing to say. “...”

“Please, Tony…” Bruce wiped at his eyes.  “Please… N-not now…” 

“I had PTSD because of this guy!” Tony pointed accusingly at Loki, who still didn’t move.  “I _ still  _ have PTSD because of him!  I almost  _ died,  _ Bruce!” 

“And so did  _ we _ !” Bruce snapped.  It was the fact that he was being so unlike himself that had Tony falling back.  “We almost died, too! Look at Thor!  _ He  _ has trauma, too!  We  _ all  _ do!  But Thor needs Loki, Tony!” 

Tony closed his eyes for several seconds before he stomped over to Loki and grabbed the front of the God’s filthy robes to pull him in close.  “Listen well, you -”

“Thor!” Bruce put his hand to his mouth as he watched the way Thor had slammed into Tony and, with all that weight behind him, sent him flying across the room and into the wall.  He went in for the attack, his vacant expression no more and replaced by one of pure hatred and fury, and it was then Bruce realised… 

If they didn’t stop Thor, Thor was going to kill  _ all  _ of them.  

Tony was too stunned to move as Thor advanced on him again.  He held his bloodied nose as he watched his friend come closer.  He felt like he was in shock; sure, their first encounter had been them beating on each other until Steve Rogers had broken them apart, but that was back when they’d both been after Loki to stop him and neither of them wanted the other in their way.  

But Thor…  Thor was the sweetest person, all smiles and gentleness and not a mean bone in his body towards his friends.  That was why Tony couldn’t understand why his friend’s body was sparking with lightning and the expression he wore was more murderous than Tony had ever seen.  

Thor reached out and grabbed Tony’s throat.  His fingers squeezed and cut off the other’s air supply.  He snarled, his grip never loosening as his other hand curled into a fist - but before he could throw it, something had wrapped around his wrist and pulled him away.  

Thor looked over his shoulder to find the man in the robes he didn’t recognise had wrapped what looked like a fiery rope around him and was pulling him away.  He snarled and used all his strength to jerk the other towards him and use the velocity to punch him, Asgardian strength no match for a mere mortal, but it wasn’t the cloaked man he had to worry about; the mantis girl had grabbed his forehead, and the last thing he heard before everything went black was her murmuring, “Sleep…”

The room fell silent as they all tried to process what had happened.  They looked at each other in shock, it all having happened so fast, they could never have seen it coming. 

Tony’s heart raced.  “I only wanted to tell Loki I’d offer him no drinks this time…” 

Bruce shook his head.  “Tony… That’s what I was  _ talking  _ about…” 

“Right…” Tony forced himself to his feet and tried to pretend he hadn’t just been thrown into the wall like a rag doll.  “Loki’s staying; got it. What were we talking about?”

The medical crew arrived moments after that.  Bruce and Stephen went with Thor and Loki, leaving Tony to be filled in on everything Quill and his friends knew.  

But no matter how hard Bruce tried to convince himself, he still didn’t see things getting any better.  


	5. Chapter 5

Thor was doing poorly a week later, and that in itself was an understatement if Bruce had ever heard one.  It was frightening to see the poor thing so vacant, he barely took notice of anything going on around him. He wasn’t eating, he wasn’t sleeping, and he wasn’t _speaking_.  He was… existing, and nothing more.

It was  _ because  _ of Thor Bruce found himself locked in conversation with Tony one rainy afternoon as they watched him shuffle mindlessly after Loki through the compound.  It was the only way they could get him to move around; as sad as it was, Thor just wouldn’t move unless he felt Loki was in danger of leaving him. 

“You know, Steve would be pretty good with him,” Bruce pointed out.  “When’s Steve here next?”

Tony stiffened.  He gripped his cup tightly as a dark expression crossed his face for a few seconds, and though he worked to contain his emotion, Bruce didn’t miss it.  He took a deep breath. “...Rogers... will _not_ be back here any time soon…  And I doubt Maximoff, Wilson, Barton or Romanov will be back, either…”

It was the first time this conversation had come up between them, and Bruce was shocked; he’d never thought Tony and Steve would call it quits with their friendship.  “What…? What happened, Tony?”

Tony shook his head quickly.  He waved his hands in front of him dismissively as he growled, “It doesn’t matter.  The Avengers are _done_!  Okay?  I’ve got a new trainee; his name is Spider-Man.  He’s the only one I have left.”

“The Avengers broke up…?” Bruce’s eyes continued to widen.  “What? Like - like - like a _band_ ?  Like the _Beatles_?”

“It’s a long story and I’m not going to get into it, Banner!”

“But, Tony…” Bruce looked back out of the office window, wondering how far through the compound Thor and Loki had gotten today and if Thor had stopped again from panic.  He shook his head to clear his mind and then continued. “...Tony… Okay, look; Thor is our _friend._ He’s _Steve’s_ friend as well, and Thor needs our help.  Okay? It doesn’t matter who isn’t talking to who and what the grudges are over…  Okay? What matters is Thor!”

Tony’s voice raised slightly.  “We don’t _need_ Rogers and his little posse, Banner!  We’re just fine where we are! We’ve got the wizard and the guy so behind on times, he’s carrying a walkman around in twenty-eighteen!”

Bruce shook his head.  He had quietened now, but there was a rare firmness in his tone that was almost commanding.  “If you don’t want to make that call, I can do it for you, Tony. No one has to apologise over anything; all that needs to happen is Steve needs to know about his friend, Tony.”

They held the other’s gaze for a long while before Tony finally bulked and turned around to pull his phone from his pocket.  He hesitated before he flipped it open and searched through his contacts. He turned around when he heard Bruce scoff.

“You just criticised Peter for having a walkman when you’re a billionaire and still own a flip-phone?  Can’t afford an iPhone, Tony?”

“Shut up…” Tony closed his eyes and took the plunge; his thumb pressed down on the green call button and he raised it to his ear, dreading the moment his call was answered.  

“Tony…?”

Tony winced at the confused, yet almost _relieved_ voice on the other end of the line.  He took a deep breath. “...Hey, Rogers...”

* * *

 

Loki was silent as he turned the pages of his book.   He’d eaten - very little, but still, he’d tried. Thor hadn’t, though.  As usual, no matter how hard everyone fought to get him to eat, he couldn’t even notice the spoons pressing at his lips.  

There was talk of putting Thor back on the IV to feed him, and Loki agreed with them.  His brother was wasting away, and while he wasn’t doing much better himself with how little appetite he had lately, at least he was getting _something_ in him.  

Loki closed his book and looked up at the wall clock.  He still didn’t know how to tell the time from all of the hands, but he recognised they were in the same position they usually were when Mantis came in to put Thor to sleep.  

Speaking of Thor…

Loki’s eyes fixed on his brother.  Thor was tucked in tight beneath the blankets of his bed, laying on his side as he stared at Loki with eyes so empty, they made Loki’s skin crawl with guilt; if he hadn’t…!  ...If he hadn’t gotten Thor kicked out of Asgard, he would never have tried to kill himself by letting go of his staff and falling into Thanos’ hands instead. He would never have been given the Scepter and sent out to attack New York.  He’d never have gotten rid of Odin and therefore unknowingly freed Hela which resulted in Mjolnir’s destroyal and the decimation of Asgard.

...If, at the very least, Asgard still had to fall, Loki truly believed his brother could have won against Thanos had he still had Mjolnir - but, of course, that was Loki’s fault, too…

Loki dropped his face into his hands.  Thor had said it himself on the ship, with his head in Thanos’ powerful hand that could so easily crush it to dust had he so desired; _you truly are the worst, brother._

He knew it was true.  He’d put Thor through so much but, no matter what, Thor had always returned for him eventually.  Thor had never truly left him behind.

...Thor had always accepted him _exactly_ as he was, knowing full-well his nature was the very definition of chaos.  

Loki couldn’t cry anymore.  He wasn’t sure Thor could either.  It felt like all the tears had been wrung out of them until none were left.  The nightmares remained, though. What little sleep Loki was still capable of was disturbed by the memories of what had happened on that ship, and he knew Thor’s were no different, perhaps even worse as they woke his brother up screaming.  

A rumble of thunder sounded above them.  Having grown up with Thor, he’d never been able to fear storms before, rather he admired them in secrecy.  But now, he jumped and shuddered. He cleared his throat as he tried to regain his position and instead focused on watching the small sparks of electricity jump from Thor’s skin in response to the weather.  

Loki couldn’t admire for long, though; the door to their shared bedroom opened, and though Loki had expected Mantis, he was instead surprised to see the one he remembered as Captain America stepping through the door, minus his blue outfit and looking far older with a beard quite like Thor’s.

The Captain nodded at Loki, no hint of hostility on him like there had been with the other one Loki had come to learn was named Stark.  Loki nodded back and picked his book up again.

“He won’t talk, Captain,” Loki mumbled.  “He hasn’t spoken since our distress signal was answered…”

“Call me Steve,” came the soft reply.  “How has he been?”

Loki shrugged.  “He may as well be dead…  I’m starting to wonder if he’s just a figment of my imagination now…”

Steve felt his stomach drop at those words.  “He is real, Loki. I promise.”

“He doesn’t _feel_ real…” ‘

Steve rubbed his chin.  “You know, he reminds me of me when I fought in the war.  Some of the guys… Back then, they called it shell-shock. Appropriate name, considering all the gunfire.”

Loki watched the way Steve caressed his brother’s face.  He leant closer. “...Shell-shock…?”

“Yeah.  It’s very common in wars.  I don’t know… if Bruce has looked Thor over properly, or what he’s told you…  But from what I’ve been told and am seeing, Thor has shut down.”

“S-shut down?!”

“It’s not entirely a terrible thing,” Steve promised.  “I don’t know what you guys went through; Tony didn’t tell me much.  But if it’s enough to make Thor like this, it’s probably a good thing he’s in shut down mode because he’s protecting his mind.  It’s going to hit him hard when he snaps out of it, but for now… Hopefully he’s processing…”

“I don’t understand…”  It was true, and it made Loki flinch; there was nothing he hated more than being left out of the loop and being second-best.  

It made sense, Steve knew.  He knew very little about Asgard apart from what Thor had told him here and there, but he was sure Asgard was far more peaceful than Earth was and the mental issues that were so common here were probably an anomaly in Asgard.  “Your brother’s mind is very fragile right now, Loki. I don’t know how it works for you guys, but here, we have _trauma_.  That’s what Thor - and you as well, I’m sure - is experiencing.”

“Trauma…?” Loki didn’t understand; he’d never heard of that word before.

Steve nodded.  “Has Bruce said anything to you about him?”

“Not much…  None of us like talking about anything to do with what happened…”

It was understandable - _too_ understandable.  But it wasn’t just _Thor_ who needed someone; Bruce and Loki needed support, too, and while he trusted Tony to do his best - hopefully with Loki, too, but Steve wouldn’t hold his breath - Tony might not be capable of the patience required.  

Steve opened his arm and held it in the air.  “Need a hug?”

Loki felt his breath catch in his throat.  He couldn’t remember the last time someone had offered him a hug; perhaps when he had still been very young…  

Loki nodded.  He felt an arm wrap around him and pull him against a body far stronger than his own could ever be, but despite how panicked it would have made him just a few short months ago to feel restrained and threatened, today…

Well, today he felt _safe_ and _protected_ , and he was sure he had just received a glimpse into why Thor seemed so fond of these humans.  


	6. Chapter 6

It quickly became apparent that whatever was going on in Thor’s mind was eating away at his sanity when the Avengers had gotten back together and were sitting in the living area of the facility, eating their breakfast.  

What had started out as a peaceful morning ended with Thor’s hand wrapped around the chef’s throat, and no one was sure what had even sparked the reaction in Thor.  He had been sitting with Loki,  _ finally  _ nibbling at his porridge so  _ slowly  _ after the encouragement from his brother, and it had happened so fast, it sent shivers down Tony’s spine as he remembered the day in his office they had first been brought back.  

The chef had returned to bring them all coffee and tea for the day ahead of them.  She’d handed most of the drinks out to everyone, the last two on her tray for Thor and Loki.  She’d smiled as she’d passed Thor’s hot chocolate to Loki before reaching back to give him his tea, but her tray had tilted and the tea had spilt over Loki’s lap.

She’d apologised profusely and leant down to help, but it was Thor’s unexpected voice that had stopped her.

“Leave him alone…” Thor growled.  

“What?” She had no time to process what Thor had said because in the blink of an eye, there was a hand around her throat, and it wasn’t letting go.  

“Thor, no…” The room watched with bated breaths, waiting for him to let go and go back to his food.  

Loki was the one to reach out and put his hand on his brother’s shoulder, realising now that Thor wasn’t about to calm down and if they left him like it, he could be liable to squeeze harder.  “Brother… Let her go, brother. Gently. Gently.” 

Thor didn’t obey, but the pressure of his hand didn’t change, either; he was just holding her there by the throat, making it difficult to breathe but not outright choking her.  Bruce approached, his hands out in front of him as he spoke with his gentlest tone.

“Thor…” Bruce’s steps towards his friend were small and hesitant.  He knew that without the Hulk behind him, he would be powerless against Thor and if the other chose to kill him, there would be nothing he could do to stop it.  “...Thor… Friend… Please… Let her go…” 

Loki’s eyes widened further as he watched his brother’s other hand shoot forward and take Bruce by the throat as well.  It was frightening, watching the way his moronic, placid brother was just inches away from squeezing the life out of two people, with such a vacant expression on his face, Loki understood now Thor might not even realise what he was doing.  

Loki dropped his hand to Thor’s shoulder and whispered, “Thor…  Brother…  _  Please  _ let them go gently…   _ Gently _ …” 

It worked this time, and Thor instead turned his attention to Loki.  He pulled his brother onto his lap and held him tight, trembling as he did so.  

Loki sighed.  He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take.  He didn’t want to abandon Thor and leave him to deal with this alone - but at the same time, Loki, too, was in pain, and he needed Thor’s support just as much as Thor needed  _ his _ .  

For the first time, Loki pulled himself out of Thor’s arms.  He watched the way his brother’s eyes widened in horror and he tried to snatch him back, but Loki avoided the grabs and shook his head.  His voice was thick as he tried to speak past the lump in his throat. 

“I need…” Loki coughed slightly at the effort it took to get his words out, “...I need  _ space _ , brother…  Please… Please, leave me  _ alone _ for a while…” 

Loki vanished on the spot, and that was when everything went to shit.  Thor’s scream of agony and rage almost deafened everyone within a five mile radius, and the Avengers dived for cover as lightning ripped the room apart.  

“Someone, get him under before he kills us!” Tony roared from behind an overturned couch. 

“Where’s Mantis?!” Steve yelled back.  “We need Mantis here!” 

“Their ship is fixed; they’re gone!” came Clint’s shout as he dodged another bolt of lightning that had surged past him in the vicious outpouring from Thor’s body.  He instinctively reached behind him for an arrow, and he cursed when he remembered his bow wasn’t with him. 

From deep within the compound, as far away from Thor as Loki could get, he leant against the wall and he listened to the chaos.  He hadn’t intended for it to happen, and while he’d known Thor would take his disappearance terribly, he hadn’t thought his brother would tear the place apart looking for him.  

Loki  _ wasn’t  _ a babysitter, though.  He was in pain, just as much as Thor was, but just because  _ he  _ could still function didn’t mean he could be there constantly for Thor.  He was trying; he was trying his damned  _ hardest  _ to support Thor, but with each day, it became harder and harder and he knew that if he had to do this for much longer…

Loki was going to break as well, and it wouldn’t be pretty.  

* * *

Thor spoke again a week later.  Mumbled, distracted words as he stared down at his lap that proved to everyone else seated around the living area with him the only thing on Thor’s mind for all this time had been the deaths of everyone he loved and their subsequent torture.  “They’re really dead…” 

From where Loki had been laying, sprawled out along the couch with his head in his brother’s lap, he looked up.  He reached his hand out to touch Thor’s face. “Brother…?” 

Thor started crying then.  It was like some sort of chain reaction that ended with everyone in the immediate vicinity feeling as if their hearts had been torn from their chests and ripped apart.  Bruce reacted almost instantaneously; tears of his own rolled down his cheeks as he grabbed Tony’s arm and hugged it tight while he hid his face against the man’s chest.  He shuddered at his friend’s arm that wrapped around him, holding him close despite the confusion and uncomfortable expression Tony donned. “Tony, it was  _ horrible _ …  They…  They…” 

Tony held Bruce tighter.  “Shh… Shh, it’s okay… We, umm…  We’ll…” 

Loki was next to be set off.  He straightened himself into a sitting position and drew his knees to his chest and held them tightly as he rocked himself back and forth.  He faded in and out of reality, but it was like something in him had broken as soon as he realised Thor had snapped out of his shock. He trembled when he felt Natasha touch his shoulder in concern, and he couldn’t stop himself from taking one of his daggers and slashing it at her to get her away from him. 

No one knew what to say as they watched the way Loki pulled himself onto his brother’s lap and curled up against Thor like a frightened child seeking its mother’s comfort.  Even Clint watched in silence. For all this time, Loki had tried to hold him and Thor up on his own, but now…

Loki was crumbling, too.

Thor seemed much more aware of his surroundings now than he had since his arrival.  He wrapped his strong arms around Loki and held him close, one hand on the back of Loki’s head as he cried into his brother’s hair.  He was whispering something, but no one wanted to get close enough to hear what it was he was saying; they weren’t sure they  _ wanted  _ to know.  

Steve moved to sit on the couch next to Bruce.  The TV they had been watching was all but forgotten as he wrapped one arm around his friend’s shoulders.  “Banner…? It’s alright. Do you need to talk about it?” 

“Rogers.” Tony jerked his head at the Asgardians.  “Not around  _ them _ …  You’ll set them off more.” 

Steve nodded in understanding.  “Come on, Bruce. Let’s go for a walk.  I’ll help you in the lab. What are you working on today?” 

Tony watched the two leave the room before he stood up to approach Thor and Loki.  “You guys okay?” 

It was a stupid question, Tony knew, but what else was he supposed to say?  At least he was trying…

With Steve and Bruce, they’d made it all the way to Bruce’s lab where he’d feel most at ease.  Steve sat them down at one of the workbenches, his hand stroking his friend’s arm soothingly as he murmured, “If you need to talk, I’m here, Banner.” 

Bruce was hugging himself now, but Steve knew it was a good thing; Bruce had been keeping everything inside for so long, trying to pretend that nothing had ever happened and he was fine - it was only natural he was finally crushing beneath the weight of his baggage.  “They did it to get back at Loki, Steve…” 

Steve didn’t understand, but he didn’t question; Bruce would open up as he was ready.  “...”

“For New York…” Bruce rubbed at his face.  His body was quaking, and though Steve knew Bruce was no stranger to anxiety, he’d never seen his friend so distraught.  “They hurt Thor… Because they knew it would hurt Loki… Hulk couldn’t stop them, Steve…! Hulk got  _ pummelled!   _ Like he was an  _ ant _ !  Oh, my god, Steve, I just…” 

“Shh, shh, shh…” Steve moved to sit closer to his friend.  “You’re safe. You’re safe.” 

Bruce needed a moment to contain himself now.  “They made me watch… I don’t know how many times they did it…  But poor Thor… Oh, god, poor Thor…!” 

“What did they do to him?” Steve really didn’t want to know what could have been done to destroy his friends like this, but at the same time, he knew he was being selfish with such desires.  

Bruce snivelled.  “They tortured him…  They killed his people in front of him, one-by-one,  _ slowly _ …  They  _ carved  _ his flesh off, Steve…!  They stabbed him, cut him…   _ Beat  _ him!  They… They  _ raped  _ him…  And they did it all in front of me…  They made me watch… Every time… They made me watch as they tortured him until he was crying…   _ Begging  _ them not to…  He was so  _ scared _ ; in so much  _ pain,  _ and I couldn’t…!  I couldn’t… help him…” 

Steve closed his eyes.  He pulled Bruce into a hug so tight, Bruce was sure he heard his bones creaking beneath the pressure.  “Bruce… Did they hurt  _ you _ …?”

Bruce shook his head.  “No… Not like Thor and Loki…  They just kicked me around sometimes; they thought it was funny because it upset Thor so much…” 

“Do you know what they did to Loki?” Steve never let go of Bruce; if anything, he could only hold him tighter as the thought of losing Bruce almost brought him to his own tears.  

“No…  They always took him away…”  Bruce closed his eyes and dropped his head onto Steve’s shoulder.  He brought one arm up to tenderly wrap around his friend in an awkward hug of his own, but Steve didn’t mind; whatever it took for Bruce to feel safe again.  “They only… They kept him around to watch what they did to Thor; it was  _ Loki  _ they had the grudge against…  We were just… in the crossfire…” 

Steve nodded.  “Bruce… It’s going to be alright now; you’re  _ safe _ .” 

Bruce let out a loud sniff.  “Hulk is too scared to come out again, and Thor and Loki will  _ never  _ talk about what they went through…  And I… If  _ I  _ can’t escape the memories with what  _ I  _ went through…  How are  _ they  _ ever going to okay again, Steve…?  They’ll probably kill themselves… Like  _ I  _ want to…” 

Steve didn’t care for anything in that moment except holding Bruce as tight as he could and never letting go again.  He felt tears of his own streaming down his cheeks now. “Please, Banner…  _ Don’t _ …  We’ve lost enough people…  With everything that happened since you’ve been missing…  Please, don’t… Natasha, Sam and I… We’ve been on the run for so long now, Banner…  We’ve just got everyone back;  _ please  _ don’t make us have to say goodbye again…  It was hard enough, leaving the first time around...”

Bruce never responded; he only kept his fist curled tightly into the back of Steve’s shirt as he clung desperately to his friend.  Silent tears fell from his eyes now. He was a complete coward and he couldn’t understand why Steve didn’t want him offing himself, but was there any point in trying, anyway?  The last time he’d tried to swallow a bullet, Hulk had spat it back out. Just because the other guy wasn’t coming back out now didn’t mean it wouldn’t be a repeat performance if Bruce were to try once again, so why even bother?  He’d just have to suffer alone in silence and hope his end came swiftly. 

* * *

 

Tony was glad Steve was making progress with Bruce, because while the two were still down in the lab, working comfortably on Bruce’s latest project, Tony was still struggling with Thor and Loki.  Loki, at least, had calmed down and was amiable.

Thor, though, was a completely different story.

“ _ Please,  _ eat, Uncle Thor…” It was Peter, who had taken a liking to Thor during his visits to the Avengers facility.  He was sitting at the dining table with Tony and the two Asgardians, a bowl of porridge in front of him as he held a spoonful of it to Thor’s mouth.  “Mr. Stark said you aren’t eating…”

Tony had never seen such sadness on Thor’s face before.  Of course he’d seen his friend upset before, but  _ never  _ like this.  This… was a soul-crushing depression plastered all through Thor’s expression, and he hated that he didn’t know how to help.  “Come on, big guy; you need to eat something. Your brother’s eating.” 

“I am not hungry…” It was true; Thor wasn’t feeling  _ anything  _ except massive amounts of shame and guilt.  He was sure he could almost have been numb to emotion if he wasn’t blaming himself for everything that had happened.  “Please… Stop…”

“Just one bite?” Peter moved the spoon closer, and as Thor moved to shake his head, the spoon accidentally slipped past his parted lips.  

Thor vomited, as if he’d had some sort of immediate allergic response to the porridge.  He couldn’t stop, not as Loki rubbed his back and Tony and Peter tried to find something to clean him up with.  There was nothing in his stomach to come back up, so it was all bile, but he was so malnourished, his vision faded and his head swum as weakness consumed him. 

Thor didn’t know how much he had thrown up, but by the time he’d finally stopped, Tony was wrapping a bath towel around his shoulders and Peter was wiping his front with a damp cloth.  He stood when he felt weight on his shoulders pulling him from his chair, and he obeyed as he was led from the dining area and through the building. 

“Let’s get you into the shower and then bed,” Tony murmured.  “It’ll still early… But you need rest. I’ll get Bruce to set up another drip for you soon.” 

Thor didn’t understand, but he didn’t question.  He kept Loki’s hand clutched tightly in his own, unable to let go until he’d been steered into the bedroom he and Loki had been given and he was sat on the bed so hands could try and tug his woolen hoodie from his body.

“Don’t…!” The flash of panic across Thor’s face had Tony pulling away quickly before he was electrocuted.  He kept his hands in front of him so Thor knew he meant no harm.

“You need to get undressed and into the shower, buddy,” Tony explained gently.  “Do you need your brother to help you?”

Thor nodded, such a small, pathetic movement, and Tony felt sick; Thor was one of the strongest - if not  _ the  _ strongest - persons he knew, so to see someone he held so much respect for reduced to something so childlike…  

If Tony could do anything in his power to take away that fear and pain his friends were suffering, he would do whatever it was, no matter what.  

Tony left the room in silence, trusting Loki could deal with this.  He went back to the dining room to check on Peter, and after finding his apprentice had cleaned up and vacated the room, he ventured down to the labs to see where Bruce and Steve were at.

As expected, Bruce was working in silence at his workbench while Steve flicked through his notes to get a better understanding of what he was helping with.  Tony took a seat next to Steve.

“I really hope you’ve had better luck than us; he just threw up all over the dining area.” Tony sighed and wiped at his forehead.

Steve shook his head.  He lowered his voice. “I need to talk to you…  Bruce told me some of it… And Stark… We aren’t worried _ enough  _ about them…” 


	7. Chapter 7

When Thor’s eyes snapped open, he was engulfed in darkness.  He let out a loud whimper, trying to understand where he was.  Was he back on that ship, with Bruce near him and Thanos wandering around somewhere unseen?  

He sat up and tried to search his surroundings, but it was too dark to see anything.  He could hear soft breathing coming from beside him, however, and he knew the soft, rhythmic sound meant whoever was with him was fast asleep. 

Thor needed help.  He needed to  _ escape.  _ If he stayed in this darkness any longer he was going to hyperventilate. He needed to find Loki, find Banner and make sure they were both okay.  

He needed…  _ light…  _

Thor jumped off the bed and, in his panic, fell over a chair he didn’t know was so close to the bed.  He let out a keen as he got to his feet and threw himself to his left in his search for light, but all he accomplished was hitting the wall.  

It was that moment everything went to shit.  A deafening scream tore itself from Thor’s throat, and in his frenzy, he tore the room up like a tornado in his attempt to escape.  Lightning sparked off him and the clear night skies were suddenly rumbling violently with the roar of thunder as lightning crackled and torrential rain battered the earth.  

Thor heard someone scream his name, someone who sounded suspiciously like Loki, but Thor couldn’t comprehend any of that; his screaming only became louder as the wall mirror smashed after his weight had been thrown into it.  

In one split second, the darkness was gone, and Thor’s screaming stopped. 

“Brother…” 

Thor’s heart pounded against his rib cage and his heavy breathing sounded almost identical to a spooked horse.  He couldn’t move as he looked around the room; he felt as if he were paralysed. 

Loki was sitting on the bed, looking ready to cry, Thor could see.  In the doorway stood Natasha and Clint, their pyjamas ruffled and looking as if they’d both just woken up.  The storm Thor had caused was still raging outside, but he could do nothing about that right now; he was in fight or flight mode, and he was sure that if anyone came near him, he was going to attack. 

“You’re bleeding…” Natasha’s voice was so soft, Thor almost couldn’t hear her.  She wanted to step forward, to take her friend’s hand and lay him back down on his bed so she could clean him up, but she couldn’t; with the way Thor’s shoulders heaved with every breath he took, she had doubt that he was even fully-conscious of the situation.  

Loki, who looked as scared as his brother, whispered, “Thor…  I…” 

Thor’s eyes finally settled on Loki.  He gasped out, “Loki, where… am I…?” 

“You’re at the Avengers compound,” Clint supplied. 

“You’re  _ safe _ here, Thor,” Natasha added.  

Thor’s breathing did not settle. His tone was hard and distrustful as he demanded, “Where is Tony Stark.” 

Clint and Natasha shared a look. Natasha replied. “Thor, we’re your  _ friends!”  _

“This is not Stark Tower.”  Thor’s voice got louder with each word until he was screaming again.  “ _ Where is Tony Stark?!” _

“Damn…” Clint’s eyes darted around the room. His hand was still on the light switch, and without warning, he turned the lights off again. 

It was instantaneous. The second darkness engulfed them, Thor had returned to his frenzy.  Clint switched the lights back on, and he observed Thor with pity; whatever had been done to him had messed Thor up so terribly…

“Thor, Stark isn’t home,” Natasha said gently. “He’s not here.  But Clint and I are here with you, and you’re  _ safe _ .”

No one in the room had noticed Loki covering himself in illusion so he could leave the chaos unseen.  He knew how badly Thor reacted to his absence, but Loki couldn’t help it; he wasn’t like Thor who needed someone with him at all times. Loki was a loner, and his brother was quickly draining what little energy he had left. 

“Thor…” Natasha boldly entered the bedroom now. She could see Thor tensing at her approach from where he was curled in a corner of the room, so she kept her guard up lest she spook him and he lash out.  “Thor, we are your friends…” 

Clint stayed on hand in case Natasha needed him. He silently cursed having overlooked bringing his bow and arrows, but hopefully he wouldn’t need them tonight.  He could only hope that the Thor they knew and trusted was still in there somewhere, and could overpower whatever this  _ imposter  _ was.  “Careful, Nat…” 

“I know…” Natasha’s movements were slow and calculated.  She kept her hands out in front of her unceasingly so Thor could see them, needing him to trust that she truly meant him no harm.  “Easy, Thor… Easy… We aren’t going to hurt you… You’re our friend…” 

Tears streamed down Thor’s cheeks, and his body trembled violently as he whispered, “I just want to go home…”

“Home to Asgard?” Natasha frowned. Bruce had told them how Asgard had been destroyed, and she wondered if the god even remembered that fact.  

Thor nodded.  “I want my brother… Please… N-no more…” 

Clint came further into the room.  He forced his voice to soften as he murmured, “You don’t remember what happened?” 

Thor’s frown grew.  “I remember… Thanos… Nothing more…” 

Natasha was crouching by Thor’s side now. She wanted so badly to reach out and caress her friend’s cheek, but she wisely kept her hands to herself. “You don’t remember finding Bruce on Sakaar?” 

Thor squinted as he tried so hard to separate all the events of his long life.  He remembered vaguely… being somewhere he couldn’t quite put his finger on, with Bruce by his side and them accompanied by a…

No. Thor couldn’t trust his memory.  He was delusional. The Valkyrie had all been wiped out.  Thanos had done something to him and messed with his memory. 

Thor sobbed loudly.  “I… I…” 

Natasha was sitting next to Thor, gesturing for Clint to do the same.  She stared ahead as she pondered how to handle this. “...Thor…” 

Thor looked at the woman.  He wiped his eyes before he reached out and wrapped his hand firmly around her wrist, not realising he was holding on so tightly, he was liable to break her wrist any moment now. 

“Thor!” Natasha grit her teeth and winced as she tried removing his hand, but it was useless; Thor was too strong for a Midgardian such as herself to be capable of manhandling.  “You’re breaking my wrist! Let go!” 

Thor stared down at his hand. It took him several moments to let go, as if it was taking him a while to register what he was doing.  His fingers unwrapped from Natasha’s wrist, and his expression matched that of a kicked puppy. “...”

“You okay, Thor?” Clint asked.  His body was tense as he prepared himself for anything; with the state Thor was in, there was no telling what he was capable of.  

More tears streamed down Thor’s cheeks.  His mouth opened and closed as he tried to find the words to express himself, but he was powerless.  “...I… I…” 

Clint looked around for Loki, and though he grit his teeth in anger when he’d realised Loki had abandoned them again, he said nothing about it; it was probably wisest not to draw attention to Loki’s absence while Thor wasn’t thinking of his brother.  “It’s okay, Thor. You’re okay.” 

The storm outside was calming as Natasha and Clint sat with Thor.  None of them really said anything; they stayed in silence, but it was enough for Thor’s breathing to eventually even out until his head was resting against Natasha’s shoulder. 

Natasha seemed content sitting with Thor and letting him rest against her like this, but Clint wasn’t as soft as his friend, and eventually he murmured firmly, “You should go back to sleep, Thor… Get some rest…” 

Thor shook his head. His eyes showed so much pain, Clint didn’t ask again.  He rested against the wall once more as he tried to work out what they could do. 

But it seemed it wouldn’t be up to them entirely to make that decision as Thor was shifting now, sitting upright so he could pull Natasha onto his lap instead. Clint didn’t know what to think when the god wrapped his arms around her and he dropped his face to her shoulder instead. 

“Hey, Thor…?” Clint supposed he was feeling wary, and a tad jealous.  He knew he shouldn’t be jealous of all things given the circumstances; as much as he wanted Natasha to himself, they weren’t together - and this was  _ Thor!  _  Loveable Thor who would never hurt a hair on his friends’ heads.  He probably just needed comfort in a more physical manner than Clint was comfortable with.

Whatever Clint was about to say was forgotten when Natasha jumped and tried to escape the arms that seemed to be holding her prisoner. 

“Thor!” There was confusion in Natasha’s voice, and perhaps a bit of uneasiness as well, but that emotion was displayed more predominantly in her body language as she all but flailed in Thor’s hold.  “Thor, stop that!”

“What’s he doing.” Clint was on his feet, reaching instinctively behind him for an arrow, but once more he could only curse when he swatted at thin air. 

“He’s  _ biting _ me!” Natasha didn’t want to have to do this, but Thor was either ignoring her completely or was too lost in his own mind to take any notice of Natasha.  Her palm flattened against Thor’s cheek, and though she was sure it had hurt her more than him, he still pulled his mouth away and looked at Natasha with a kicked puppy expression.  “What are you  _ doing,  _ Thor?!” 

Thor looked stunned.  His eyes zeroed in on the teeth marks in Natasha’s shoulder, the bruises that would begin forming soon enough from his sucking.  His stomach dropped, and he could have vomited as he realised what he had been doing. 

Clint’s temper got the better of him.  He’d never thought he’d get into Thor’s face to yell at him, but here he was.  “The fuck was that, Thor?! You planning on raping her or some shit?! Not good enough that it had been done to  _ you?!”  _

“Clint, don’t…” Natasha pulled herself from Thor’s lap and moved to Clint’s side.  She shook her head. “He’s crying… I don’t think he even knew what he was doing…”

It was true.  Thor had been so locked away in his mind, recalling upon the things Thanos had done to him, he’d taken no notice of external stimuli. He didn’t understand what had happened, what had provoked him to do such things to his friend when he’d never thought he’d have those kinds of desires towards her.  

But here he was, hand pushing against the bulge in his pants to try and hide it as he looked away in shame. “Please… Please leave… I am a  _ monster _ …”

Clint softened right there.  He stood, but while doing so, he murmured, “No, you’re not… You’re hurting…”

Thor couldn’t feel comforted.  His eyes closed as he battled his shame.  “Please leave… I am afraid… I will hurt someone…” 

They honoured the request.  As they closed the door behind them - the lights still on lest they cause more pain to their friend - Clint whispered, “Did he hurt you, Nat…?” 

Natasha shook her head.  “Of course he didn’t. He’s hurting. It was probably him trying to stop the pain.” 

Clint nodded.  There was nothing more for him to ask; it was none of his business whether Natasha would have let Thor fuck her there and then, after all…

“I’m going back to sleep…” Natasha mumbled.  “I’m drained…” 

“Yeah…” Clint cleared his throat.  “Night…” 

“Goodnight.” 

And like that, they went their separate ways, minds too clouded to be able to fall asleep easily.


	8. Chapter 8

Thor wasn’t well.  If there had been even a  _ chance  _ someone could think he  _ was  _ well previously, that chance no longer existed.  Not when Tony had invited Peter Parker to the compound to stay a while, and a week into the boy’s visit, he’d been found with Thor shirtless as the god’s teeth latched on to almost every inch of skin they could find.  

“What’s going on?!” Steve sounded more scared than anything, and the way he immediately started looking around for escape routes showed that he probably was.  He tried to gulp when Peter fixed hazy eyes on him to see what was happening, but he couldn’t get anything past the golf ball in his throat. “T-thor! He is a  _ minor _ …!” 

Thor pulled his teeth away from Peter’s nipple. There was a dark expression on his face, and Steve couldn’t help but feel frightened; there was so much anger and hatred in that one facial expression, and  _ none  _ of it  _ ever  _ belonged on sweet, joyful Thor’s face. 

Steve wanted to run.  He wasn’t mentally prepared for this and knew he was only going to make the situation worse. 

But at the same time, he was scared Peter hadn’t consented, and he couldn’t, in any good consciousness, turn away from that.  His voice wavered as he whispered, “D-does Peter  _ want  _ to do that, Thor…?” 

Thor hummed, but it was the only response Steve could get out of him as he’d turned back to Peter’s nipple and wouldn’t let go now. 

Peter answered, though.  His voice was thick with lust as he moaned, “It’s okay… I want this…” 

Steve’s courage fell flat, and he was quick to flee now.  Thor growled as he realised the door had been left open, but he didn’t care enough to get up and close it.  “Damn Rogers…”

Peter wrapped his arms around Thor’s neck and cried out when he felt something brush against his crotch.  “Thor…!” 

Thor moaned against Peter’s ribcage.  He pressed his hips harder against Peter’s thigh and grunted.  His hands grabbed the boy’s shoulders, and he squeezed so tightly, Peter couldn’t help but whimper in pain.  “P-Peter… I need you… to touch me…” 

Peter complied.  He slid his hand along Thor’s body until his fingers hesitated at the zip.  He bit his lip. “Thor, I don’t…” 

Thor’s expression turned pained as he dropped his face once more and bit into Peter’s shoulder so hard, Peter cried out as blood dribbled down his arm.  He looked back into Peter’s face now, and he almost sobbed out, “ _ Please,  _ Peter…!  You don’t…!” 

Peter felt his heart breaking at the look of agony Thor was donning.  “Thor…?”

Thor sniffed, and he turned his head away to look to the side as he murmured, “You don’t… know what he did to me, Peter…” 

Peter’s frown grew.  That was the entire reason they were doing this in the first place, wasn’t it? To help erase the bad memories that haunted Thor?  

But Thor had also said there wouldn’t be any touching of private parts - especially not where Peter was involved… 

Peter closed his eyes, and he moved his hand forward.  He trembled, having never been so intimate with another person before. 

Thor dropped his face to rest against Peter’s shoulder as he felt hesitant fingers slowly wrap around him.  He closed his eyes, and upon wrapping his arms tight around Peter, he allowed his hips to rock slightly into the contact. 

Not a word was spoken between them now.  Peter kept his hand still, allowing Thor to thrust into it at his own desired pace, and Thor never moved his head from Peter’s shoulder. His teeth worried the flesh beneath him, biting and sucking and nibbling until the skin broke under his ministrations and blood reached his tongue. 

Thor made no sound.  No grunts, no moans; just breathy noises as he went, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to bring himself anywhere near an orgasm. 

Thor growled again as he thrust his hips forward so hard, he knocked Peter over.  He grabbed Peter’s hips and dug his fingers in so tightly they would leave bruises as he kept his aggressive thrusts active.  

Peter was getting more and more uncomfortable now.  He grimaced beneath the powerful movements that rocked him along the bed, and he was sure his arm was about to snap in half at trying to push back against such raw strength.  “Thor… You’re scaring me…” 

Thor growled as he clambered atop Peter to get better leverage.  His frustration continued to mount as he felt only dull waves of pleasure, no matter how hard he thrust into the warm hand accommodating him. 

When Thor’s body froze, and semen spurted from his tip and onto Peter’s stomach, he felt murderous at having his orgasm robbed from him.  Thanos had taken so much from him, and apparently his ability to enjoy sex had been stolen as well. He closed his eyes and grit his teeth as he pushed Peter away. 

“Thor…” Peter could see through Thor’s tense body language that the god wasn’t pleased. He almost felt self-conscious, as if it was  _ him  _ that had made it difficult for Thor.  He hesitated in putting his hand on his friend’s shoulder and whispering, “Thor…?” 

Thor cringed and pulled away from the touch.  He shook his head, keeping his back to the boy as he wiped at his eyes.  “Don’t… Please, don’t… I can’t… I can’t bare to have people touch me…” 

Peter was young, and he didn’t have the necessary life experience to understand.  “But… We…” 

Thor shook his head.  “It is different…. I hoped… it would help me feel better… But now I am more frustrated… I do not think I will ever enjoy sex again…” 

“Thor… You might still be able to enjoy it; I mean… We didn’t…  _ really  _ have sex, so…” 

Those words sparked realisation in Thor’s mind now.  “I apologise… I do not feel I am capable of touching you as you just touched me…” 

“No, it’s fine…” Peter looked at his lap.  He chewed the inside of his lip in uneasiness before we whispered, “Just… If we do that again, can you… please be a bit gentler…? I’ve never done that before; I was getting scared towards the end…” 

Thor’s tone hardened now as he snarled, “You were  _ afraid _ to touch something you yourself have?  Be grateful I did not take it  _ all  _ from you, Peter…” 

Peter was shocked; Thor had always been so lovely to him, so why was he…? 

Then, Thor’s tone softened, and it sounded thick with tears.  “Please, forgive me…. You did not deserve that… Please forgive me, Peter… Please…”

Peter was young.  He hadn’t seen as much of the world as the other Avengers had.  Tony would tell him it was okay that Peter had walked out without a word as tears rolled down his cheeks, but Peter didn’t  _ feel  _ like it was okay; Thor had sought out his help, and Peter had only continued to upset him. 

No matter how hard the Avengers had tried to console Peter, he still went to bed that night in tears. 

* * *

 

Thor had been sitting in the living room alone long past midnight.  He’d been staring out of the window in deep contemplation, the lights turned on and the TV playing quietly in the background by the time Steve sat on the couch next to him. 

“Hey.” Steve’s tone was soft.  Thor gave him no acknowledgement aside from a single slight twitch of his index finger.  He looked to his feet as he tried to decide how to approach the subject. “...Tony’s pretty mad…”

Thor finally looked to Steve now, and Steve almost wished he hadn’t when he saw the pure exhaustion written all over Thor’s features.  “Did I do something wrong, friend Rogers…?”

“Hmm?” Steve couldn’t lay it out exactly as it was - not with Thor being so unwell.  He chewed at his lip before he finally murmured, “You didn’t  _ do  _ it with the intention of doing something wrong…” 

Thor’s frown grew.  “What did I do, Rogers…?  I apologise, whatever it is…” 

Steve hated that Thor was so broken. Perhaps if Thor was mentally sound, Steve could yell at him the words he wanted so badly to speak. 

But not when Thor was like this.  _ Never  _ when Thor was like this.  

Steve attempted to put his hand on Thor’s shoulder, but Thor only cringed away from the contact.  He sighed. How did he say this? “...Peter… is a  _ child _ , Thor.  I know you’ve been hurt… But Peter… is not the best choice to be with to try and escape that pain, Thor.” 

“I do not understand.” Thor’s eyes narrowed and flickered as he tried to process the information.  “Peter is old enough to be sent into battles, however you deny me to lay with him…?” 

“No, what I’m saying is -“ 

“- I did not…  _ force  _ him, Rogers…” Thor grit his teeth.  “I asked him if I could lay with him.  He told me I could touch his chest instead, and I listened to him.  I would never…!” 

“I’m just trying to say that there are better…  _ people  _ to help you with this,” Steve whispered. 

The cogs in Thor’s mind turned for a while before he declared, “ _ You  _ wish to lay with me, friend Rogers.” 

Steve choked.  He had no idea where Thor had gotten that from, but hey…  Surprisingly, Steve didn’t really have any objections now that he thought about it...  “I mean… If it’ll  _ help  _ you, Thor… I just… I don’t want you to hurt.  I’m willing to do whatever I can for you, Thor.  And I never thought I’d say this, but… I’ll sleep with you if that’s what you really need.” 

“I do not know  _ what  _ I need,” Thor whispered.  “I hoped I would receive answers with Peter. Instead I grow more frustrated with myself…” 

Steve almost gave his own response, but that was before Thor stood tall and clenched his hands in accordance to his sudden look of anger.  

When Thor spoke, however, he wasn’t mad.  He sounded like he was sick of life and wanted nothing more than the cold embrace of death.  “I will sleep, friend Rogers. Thank you for your council.” 

Steve watched him leave.  He sighed and leaned back against the couch as his eyes caught sight of the clock overhead; three-forty-nine and somehow sleep was still escaping Steve. 


	9. Chapter 9

Thor had been wandering the hallways of the Avengers Facility by his lonesome for an hour now.  He didn’t know what was wrong with him; just that it had been getting harder and harder to breathe until he was stumbling around on the verge of a panic attack.  

It was Natasha who found him.  

“Hey, hey, big guy, relax!” Natasha had came to Thor’s side immediately.  Her hands barely fit against the god’s shoulders, but still she rested them there as she tried to get her friend to stand still and take a breath.  “Breathe, Thor! Breathe!” 

Thor did breathe, but not until he’d ridden out a full-fledged panic attack that had left him feeling so distressed, lightning crackled off him without his awareness and his back slid down the wall.  When he’d gotten himself back under control, he panted, “N-natasha…” 

Natasha knelt in front of Thor.  Her hands never left his shoulders in hopes that just that tiny bit of contact would bring him comfort.  “Shh… What’s wrong, Thor?” 

Thor felt  _ pathetic  _ as he pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them while he whispered, “I do not know…  Where is my brother…?” 

“He’s fine; I was talking to him just a minute ago,” Natasha promised.  “He’s taking his own breather, you know? He’s in pain, too; he needs to be alone.” 

Thor dropped his chin on his knees before he murmured sadly, “I need my brother…” 

“You have us,” Natasha promised.  “Loki’s fine. Absolutely fine. I promise.”

The look Thor fixed Natasha with made her stomach churn in pity; her friend was suffering so much, and nobody had any idea how to help him.  “I cannot… stop the memories in my mind… Not knowing where my brother is… I get scared Thanos has him…” 

“You can’t stop thinking about any of it, can you…?” Natasha sighed.  

Thor shook his head.  “It is all I have been able to think about…  Even in my dreams, I… I dream about it…” 

Natasha understood it.  She herself had seen and done things that haunted her dreams, too.  In fact, she was sure it was the same for all the Avengers. ...But had any of them really hurt as much as Thor, Loki and Bruce were?  Were their own experiences minute compared to what had been done to those three? 

“If you need to talk about it; I am here,” Natasha whispered.  She gestured to her bedroom across from them. “We can go to my room if you need privacy.” 

Thor nodded.  “Please…”

Natasha extended a hand to help Thor to his feet, and she was grateful when he accepted it.  They were quiet until they’d stepped into Natasha’s room and closed the door behind them, and once they were seated on her bed, she waited patiently for the god to organise his thoughts and speak.

“I… do not know how to talk about it…” Thor finally whispered.  “...Whenever I try… to tell people how I feel, I… I remember how it felt to know that Banner saw everything done to me…”

“You were ashamed he saw you so vulnerable,” Natasha murmured.  She frowned when Thor nodded in response. “And you don’t ever want to be seen so weak again.” 

Thor nodded once more.  “I am afraid… That if people were to see me so weak again…  They will take advantage once more…” 

“No one here would ever do that to you,” Natasha promised.  There was so much more she wanted to tell him, but it would have to wait because a knock on her door came, and next Bruce was poking his head inside.  

“Have you seen Tony…?” Bruce had always been quieter than the others, soft-spoken and anxious.  But now, he rarely left the lab, and on the occasion he did, he was on-edge. 

Natasha gestured for Bruce to come to them, but she didn’t hold her breath; Bruce was flighty these days, and proximity to other humans was something he was going out of his way to avoid.  She smiled slightly when he hesitantly obeyed. “He’s in town. It’s just us three and Loki here.”

Bruce nodded.  He fumbled his hands together and looked around the room, but Natasha wasn’t stupid; both he and Thor were trying their damnedest to avoid looking at each other.  It was heartbreaking; they’d always been particularly close with each other, but now…

“You guys know the moon isn’t going to fall out of the sky if you two make eye contact with each other, right?” Natasha said dryly.  “Have you even exchanged a single word since… being back here?” 

Bruce’s throat was visibly stuck on a swallow.  Thor fidgeted and moved further away from the both of them and oddly became interested on the pattern of Natasha’s blankets.  Bruce’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he whispered, “When I look at Thor… All I see is him…  _ hurt _ …  You… didn’t have to  _ treat  _ him afterwards, Natasha…  Watch what was  _ done  _ to him…  And I look at him now…  And all I see is… Is  _ that _ ...”

Natasha didn’t miss the heartbreak on Thor’s face.  “Bruce, Thor  _ isn’t  _ any of that!  He is  _ Thor _ !   _ Look  _ at him!  He’s perfectly fine!” 

Bruce shook his head, still avoiding eye contact.  “I  _ can’t  _ look at him…  I see him enough in my nightmares…” 

Natasha sighed.  “Bruce… He’s your  _ friend _ !” 

“I know,” Bruce whispered, “but I can’t be  _ his  _ friend anymore…” 

Bruce turned to leave, but he stopped when someone grabbed his wrist.  He spun around to yell at them, to scream that he didn’t want  _ anyone  _ touching him ever again, but all anger that had mounted in that split second vanished when he was pulled against Thor’s chest and into a bone crushing hug that had him feeling how tense and quivery Thor was as the god fought back his own emotions.  

Slowly…  So slowly…  Bruce returned the hug and finally allowed his pain to flow.  

* * *

 

The other Avengers came back to the compound that night.  Thor, who had been laying quietly on the couch in one of the living areas with his head on Loki’s lap, couldn’t have cared less - not when he was struggling to keep the bad memories out of his mind’s eye. 

Loki’s fingers dragged through soft brown hair as he stared blankly out of the window and out across the rain-drenched fields. 

“You would think this to be a nice day…” Loki mumbled absentmindedly as he thought back on how his brother had always loved stormy days. 

Thor grunted in response, but if he’d understood the spoken words or not, he didn’t otherwise respond.  He moved closer to Loki, snuggling his face in against his brother as he enjoyed the gentle touches to his head. 

Natasha was the one to break the peacefulness between the two as she knelt by the couch and murmured, “Come see Clint with me, Thor…” 

Thor felt almost lifeless as he sat up and got to his feet to obey.  Loki let him go, but it wasn’t without reproachful glances to the woman who’d taken his brother from him.  

Nothing was spoken between the two until they’d entered Clint’s bedroom, the door shut and locked securely behind them. 

Thor cocked his head to the side as he spied Clint seated on the bed, calm and relaxed as if he were waiting for his favourite movie to start.  “What are we doing here…?” 

Natasha and Clint shared a look before Natasha reached up to fumble with the collar of Thor’s grey hoodie.  “We heard about what happened with the kid… And we were just saying to each other… If you really needed help, we don’t mind helping.” 

Thor shook his head.  He heaved a heavy sigh and moved to sit on the end of the bed.  “What you are asking of me, I…” 

Natasha had a lot of experience in seduction - it was part of her training, after all - so she had no problems putting her hands on Thor’s shoulders and ever-so-slowly guiding him onto his back.  She crawled over him, careful not to put any weight on him as she purred, “We aren’t asking anything of you except to lay back and enjoy it~” 

Thor’s body was tense, but he made no move to push Natasha away.  If it was because he trusted her, or he just didn’t have the mentality to try and resist anymore, she didn’t know - but the  _ second  _ she knew for  _ sure  _ he didn’t want this, she was prepared to cease all activity and leave him be.  

But for now…

She just had to hope he would enjoy the things she was capable of. 

Natasha reached out and cupped Thor’s cheek with all the tenderness she was capable of.  She stared into his hazy eyes for several moments before she leant forward and pressed her lips to his, softly, giving him the chance to pull away if he so desired. 

But Thor didn’t pull away. Truthfully, he didn’t really  _ move _ .  Her lips were soft against his own chapped ones, and he didn’t feel much more than the tip of her tongue lapping slightly at his lips in curiosity.  He felt Clint move from behind him, and though it caused further tension in his body, he didn’t react; he trusted Clint, and the knowledge that they could  _ never  _ overpower him was comforting.  

“Just relax.” 

Thor closed his eyes at Clint’s whisper, as the other man’s hot breath billowed against the nape of his neck.  He didn’t move away from the fingertips ghosting against his hip, but he didn’t move  _ in  _ to the touch, either; he tolerated it to a point, like a gentle-natured dog would tolerate the playful bats of a kitten.  

Lips as chapped as his own kissed the warm flesh of Thor’s neck while Natasha dragged her fingers ever-so-slowly down his abdomen and to the hem of his pants.  Thor did nothing to protest or encourage, so she took the plunge; she dipped the tips of her fingers past the hem and into the neatly-shaven texture of hidden pubic hair.  

Thor moved now.  He shifted, stretching his body out in a lanky manner so he could lay himself backwards, propped up by his elbows.  Still, he didn’t speak. 

“Is it okay…?” Clint murmured.  He continued peppering his kisses along Thor’s neck, but his hands stayed strictly to his own body.  “That we do this to you…?” 

Thor shrugged.  “Do not really care anymore…  Do as you please…” 

Natasha leant up to kiss Thor again.  She guided her fingers further into Thor’s pants, digging around in search of his member.  She found it, and to her relief, Thor was aroused - not by much, but it was still there. She worked to undo the buttons of his jeans and unzip them to lower them around his hips.  “Good, Thor… You’re doing good.” 

Thor let out a hiss at the cold air.  A growl escaped his lips, and finally, he showed interest in what was happening when he reached out and grabbed Natasha by the hair to drag her head down to his lap.  “You are talking too much.” 

Natasha didn’t hesitate to swallow Thor whole.  He was big, but she was experienced in this area; he was nothing she couldn’t handle.  Thor’s hips bucked past her throat instinctively, but she had no problem taking him; instead, she drew him in ever deeper, until her nose was buried amongst his pubic hair and he couldn’t possibly get any deeper. 

Thor let out a soft groan.  His fingers tightened in Natasha’s hair until his nails were digging almost painfully into her scalp.  Another hiss escaped him before he snarled, “This is pointless. You will not make me come.” 

Clint hummed from behind Thor.  He pulled his shirt off and tossed it across the room before he moved close enough to rest his chest against Thor’s back and whisper into his ear, “I don’t know about that; she’s pretty good.” 

Thor closed his eyes and resigned himself to what was happening.  Natasha’s warm lips around him were almost comforting in the way, as was Clint’s bare skin against his as he kissed and licked his way around Thor’s neck and shoulders.  

Thor couldn’t feel much.  He was  _ trying  _ to.  He really was.  In a way, there  _ was  _ pleasure.  There was pleasure, but there also… emptiness?  A dullness inside his mind that persisted even during such acts?  Was that how he would explain it? He didn’t know. “Even if you  _ do  _ make me cum, I do not think it would do much for my mind.” 

“Of course not,” Clint murmured against Thor’s shoulder.  His fingertips had been rubbing against Thor’s hips, but for the moment, he stilled.  “A blowjob will never erase someone’s violation. It would be disgusting of us to assume it ever would.  But at the very least… Sometimes it’s helpful to learn to enjoy things again with people you trust.” 

Thor made a deep noise of displeasure, but he didn’t otherwise say anything.  Clint worried about what it could mean, but he didn’t ask; perhaps it was as simple as Thor not having the same mindset they did.  

Thor didn’t care to stop either of them.  He was sure that whatever ejaculation they were close to dragging out of him wasn’t going to be accompanied by an orgasm, but he didn’t care.  Thor had stopped caring about a lot of things. 

And so, when he came in Natasha’s mouth with barely even a  _ hint  _ of an orgasm on the way, Thor felt worse than he had to begin with.  

“Thor…” Natasha  _ hated  _ the dark expression plastered all over Thor’s face.  

“I am fine.” Thor’s bitter tone didn’t agree with his words.  “I thank you for trying to help me. But I would rather be alone now.” 

Clint and Natasha shared a look before they nodded and left quietly.  Thor waited until the door had shut behind them before he dropped himself down onto the bed and dragged the blankets over his body in hopes that he would be able to force himself deep into sleep.

Of course, sleep was hard to come by these days.  


	10. Chapter 10

“Thor, you sure you’re up to this, buddy?” The concern in Tony’s eyes was something nobody could ever really get used to seeing, but had come to expect when it came to Thor.  “You can sit this one out if you want.” 

Thor grimaced and made an annoyed sound in the back of his throat.  His own eyes - well, the one he had left, anyway - hardened as he fixed Tony with a glare.  “Do not treat me as if I am  _ weak,  _ Stark.” 

Tony sighed.  He mumbled something under his breath, but he didn’t otherwise respond; he simply turned back around to sit at the desk and focus his attention on the meeting that was about to start.  

Steve didn’t pay much attention to the meeting.  He barely took in anything Nick Fury was debriefing them on.  His attention was much more focused on Thor, and the way his friend looked as if he were trying so hard to be so strong, but was slowly breaking inside. 

But Steve couldn’t watch Thor forever; not when Fury’s words finally caught his attention. 

“Another threat has been identified.” Fury pulled a folder from his bag and threw it onto the desk before Tony.  His eyes danced between Thor and Bruce for a few moments before he said, “You two should probably leave the room for this.”

Thor growled softly, but he said nothing, nor made any attempt to move.  It was Bruce who spoke, his tone hard as he forced out, “No. Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of us.” 

Fury fixed them both with a battle-hardened glare of his own. “Are you defying my orders?”’

It was Natasha who broke up the fight before it began.  She stood, and walking around the desk to get to her scarred friends, she put her hand on Bruce’s shoulder and said, “Come on; I have to show you guys something.” 

They didn’t leave willingly, but neither Bruce nor Thor were stupid enough to argue with Natasha.  They followed her out of the office, the other Avengers watching them sadly. 

Fury was the one to break the silence.  “I don’t think it’s in our best interests to tell them so soon.”’

“Tell them what?” Clint dropped his cheek into the palm of his hand, his elbow against the desk as he watched on with boredom. 

Tony flicked through the folder quickly before he responded.  “That the guy who did this to them is our next mission.” 

Steve frowned.  “Their lives have been ruined.  I don’t think either of them are in any condition to be told.  We can do this without them.” 

Tony threw the folder back onto the desk for the others to look through. He leant back in the chair, folding his arms behind his head as he shot back, “You’re denying them the opportunity to get their lives back, Rogers?”

“I’m denying them any further pain.”

Tony scoffed.  “What, like how you never told me your best buddy killed my mother?  Who are you _ really  _ protecting this time?”

“Guys.” Clint banged his palm against the table.  “Enough.” 

“Stay out of it, Barton,” Tony ordered.  

“Oh, my god, just stop!” Clint yelled. 

“ _ Enough!”  _ Fury roared.  He glared at everyone, counting the four exact seconds of silence before he snapped, “Now isn’t the time for pity parties!  You can deal with your own crap later! But for now you’ll need all the help you can get. There’s still time. Our intelligence tells us he isn’t making a move just yet.” 

Tony clicked his tongue. He kept his eyes locked on Steve’s as he bit out, “They have every right to know, Rogers.  Didn’t you stop to think what they’ll do if they don’t know to prepare themselves?” 

Steve’s eyes closed as he sighed.  “...They’re my friends, Tony. I just don’t want to see them hurt.” 

From where Sam had been sitting so quietly, he asked, “And how are we supposed to do this?  We don’t have any leads.” 

“Yes, you do.  Are you forgetting about Loki?” 

With that, the room fell silent. 

* * *

 

Loki had been content lately - well, as content as he could be with everything that had happened.  

“Loki?” 

But of course, Loki knew it couldn’t last forever. With a heavy heart, he put down the book he had been reading and turned to look at the doorway of the living area.  His expression was almost stoic as he regarded Steve with a tired disdain. “Captain.” 

Steve smiled.  He moved into the living area and took a seat on the couch opposite Loki’s, trying to come off as comforting as possible.  “What are you reading?”

Loki shrugged. “Just some Midgardian novel I found laying around.  It’s not very interesting.” 

“Oh?  What’s it called?” 

“Twilight.”  Loki’s nose turned upwards.  “It is a rather terrible piece of literature, honestly.  Asgardian stories are always much more interesting.” 

Steve hummed.  “I haven’t heard of that book before.  What’s it abou - never mind; I’m not bothering you, am I?” 

Loki shook his head. “I do not care, Captain.” 

Steve fell silent now as he pondered what to say.  He wanted to tell Loki everything that had been said at the meeting, to ask him for his help - but in doing so, would he only be upsetting the other?  Steve was pretty sure he wouldn’t want to be reminded of something so horrible being done to him, either.

But without Loki…  They probably didn’t stand a chance. 

“So, umm…” Steve trailed off as he tried to find the perfect words.  “...How are you feeling? A-after what’s happened, I mean.” 

Loki raised his eyebrow.  His expression was guarded, and his gaze was calculating, as if he were searching for the slightest hint of something with the potential to hurt him.  Carefully, he stated, “I have been fine…” 

Steve couldn’t deny this probably being true.  Loki  _ had  _ appeared to be doing better, although the same couldn’t exactly be said for his brother.  But regardless, Steve still followed up with his question with a soft, “If you had the opportunity to take Thanos down for what he did, would you take it?” 

Loki became more and more guarded now.  His body was tensing, as if he were preparing himself for an escape should he need it.  But still, he muttered, “If I ever came face-to-face with Thanos again, I would not stick around to exchange pleasantries, Captain.  I would not spend even a minute in his presence to attempt to kill him. I am not stupid, nor am I suicidal. I would run far away from that man and do everything in my power to be sure our paths will never cross again.” 

Steve bit the inside of his cheek.  “...What about Thor?”

Loki’s expression twisted.  “What about him?” 

“Not even for your brother’s sake?” 

Loki fixed Steve with a cold, hard,  _ angry  _ glare.  He kept their eyes locked on each other as he spat each word out hatefully.  “Not even for my brother.” 

Loki left at that.  Steve looked to his lap, chewing at his lip as he pondered things.  He couldn’t imagine the kind of turmoil his friends had surely gone through at the hands of Thanos - and honestly?  Steve didn’t  _ want  _ to be able to understand.  

Loki was scared.  Steve could empathise with that, truly.  But Loki also didn’t understand what was at stake.  Loki just didn’t want to hurt again. 

Loki…  Didn’t want to be  _ scared  _ again.  

Steve rubbed at his eyes tiredly, not knowing what he was supposed to do.  He pulled his cellphone from his pocket and sent a quick text to his friend, telling Bucky he would be home soon because Steve wasn’t sure he could handle being at the Facility for any longer that day.  

Maybe a break was what Steve needed.  Bucky was smart; he’d often helped Steve plan the tactical strategies back in the war.  Loki wasn’t the only tactical plan Steve needed, because if they were to stand a chance against this looming threat, the bad blood that had been spilt between the Avengers needed cleaning, and Steve couldn’t do that with his mind clouded. 

* * *

 

“Where are you going?”

Steve turned around at Sam’s soft voice.  He regarded his friend with a smile, his eyes as gentle as his tone as he said, “I was gonna go home and keep Bucky company.  He’s been doing better since his stay in Wakanda; I don’t want him to get too lonely.”

Sam nodded in understanding.  “Do you think you could take Thor with you?  Poor guy’s getting antsy again, and no one can find Loki.” 

There was no hesitation in Steve to nod and murmur, “Of course I can.  Is he okay?”

“He’s pacing again.  Nat thinks it’d be better for him if he can stay with someone close by.” 

“He can come with me.” Steve slipped his jacket on and patted his pockets to make sure he had everything before he left the living area with Sam still in tow.  “I’ll grab him now. Where is he?” 

“Down by the labs, I think.  You’d seriously be doing him a favour, Cap.” 

Steve nodded. He wasted no time in collecting Thor and getting him back to his small apartment, hoping that his friend wouldn’t mind the cramped conditions with three people inside; Thor was a god, and had been a king, and Steve was just glad that his friend wasn’t the kind of person to look down at others snobbily.  

“So, this is my home.  You can make yourself comfortable, Thor.” Steve unlocked the door, being sure to make enough noise to alert Bucky to the fact that he was home lest Bucky freak out.  “My friend is staying with me, too. You haven’t met Bucky, have you?” 

Thor shook his head.  He wasn’t smiling, his anxious shuffling of his feet showing Steve how uncomfortable he was to be here, but regardless, he was polite as ever as he said, “I believe I remember you telling me about him.” 

It was most likely true; Steve was sure he’d spoken about Bucky to everyone, really.  He smiled, and as he led the way into the living room of his apartment, he murmured, “Bucky is having a bit of his own rough time.  He’s been through a lot, too.” 

Thor’s mouth opened and closed wordlessly for a few moments before a pained grimace crossed his face and he mumbled, “Like me…?” 

Steve winced.  As much as he wanted to console Thor, he knew he couldn’t.  “...No, Thor… Not quite like you…” 

The disappointment on Thor’s face was heartbreaking, and Steve wished he had never seen it.  “...I… Just wish for someone to understand…” 

Steve clapped Thor reassuringly on the shoulder blade.  “I know, buddy. I know.” 

They stepped into the living room now, and from where he’d been sitting on the couch waiting for Steve, Bucky looked like a deer in headlights as his eyes fixed on Thor.   

Steve went straight to Bucky’s side and wrapped his arms around him.  “It’s okay, Buck; it’s just Thor. He needs a bit of a break.” 

The undeniable fear on Bucky’s face stayed for several moments before he forced a smile onto his face, and the tension in his body relaxed ever slightly.  “H-hey…” 

Thor gave his own weak smile before he took a seat on the furthest end of the couch away from Bucky.  He cocked his head to the side, just now realising that with night having fallen, Bucky had been sitting here for however long with only the light of the moon filtering through the windows to illuminate the darkness. 

Steve moved to the left to flick the light switch on.  He said nothing about it; that could always be discussed at another time; for now, he just wanted his friends to be comfortable.  

But then, Steve remembered something important.  “Umm, about sleeping arrangements. I only have one bed and one couch.  I’ll sleep on the floor out here, and one of you can take my bed.” 

Thor looked to his lap uncomfortably. “I am sorry for being a bother, friend Rogers…”

“You aren’t a bother, Thor,” Steve promised.  “Really, it’s no big deal; Bucky and I are used to sleeping on the ground back in the war anyway.” 

“Yes, but this is your home, and you should not have to,” Thor pointed out.  “I will sleep on the floor; I do not wish to impose…”

Bucky, who knew that Steve would forever argue the matter, interrupted with an uncertain, “Why don’t we draw straws?” 

Steve nodded.  “That’s a good idea, Bucky.” 

“Draw straws…?” Thor tilted his head. 

“Yes; whoever picks the longest straw gets the bed, and the shortest straw has the floor.” 

Thor relaxed.  “That is fair. Let us draw straws.” 

Sure enough, the sleeping arrangements turned out to be just how Steve had wanted them in the first place.  But Thor, who still wasn’t satisfied, bounced his weight across both feet before murmuring, “Why don’t we all just share the bed, friend Rogers…?” 

Steve and Bucky looked at each other.  Steve took a few moments, but eventually he responded.  “As long as everyone is comfortable with that, Thor.” 

There were no disagreements from anyone, so not long after, the three found themselves in Steve’s double bed that was still too small for three grown men.  

But Steve wasn’t going to complain; not when Thor wrapped his arms around Steve and held him close, as if all he’d wanted from this was comfort. 

Steve let it happen.  He kept his back to Thor as he enjoyed the warmth, his eyes on Bucky’s face as the man drifted into peaceful sleep. 

Steve didn’t mind Thor holding him like this - not like he’d thought he would.  In fact, it was almost…  _ relaxing _ , and when he’d wake up the next morning, he’d wonder if it had been Thor and Bucky so close to him that had given him the best sleep he’d had in forever. 


End file.
